When you really do get your way . . .

It’s the little arguments that chip away at life.  The things I swore I would never do, but somehow hear coming out of my mouth.  Like, “Did you really need to be that hard on her?” while she can still hear us.  Oops.  I just broke THE most important parenting rule–always back each other up in front of the kids–diasgree later.  And, set off another round of silence between us after kiddos went to bed.

I believe in the rule, and I want our children to see us united.  I get it.  I really do.  Despite this, I have the hardest time just saying “I’m sorry,” and then letting it go.  Hence, the little argument mentioned above.

My husband, on the other hand, says “I’m sorry,” this morning and it’s over for him.  My real problem is that I had to wait until the morning.  I wanted it to be my way–solve the argument immediately.  And, if I let it, that little “chip” on my shoulder over not getting my way will continue to add to the invisible wall that builds in a marriage without words. 

I’m pretty sure I do the same thing to my heavenly Father, too.  I want it to be MY way, not His.  And, when it’s not my way, I offer silence on my end.  As in pray less, spend time in His word less, if any.  Maybe it’s for a day, or maybe it’s for a little longer.  And, that invisible wall I feel in our marriage?  I’m doing the same thing to my relationship with God.  I didn’t see it starting, but I can feel it now; that barrier I’ve put up all by myself.

The difference is, He won’t hold it against me when I come back to say, “I’m sorry,” and pick up my Bible again.  He’s waiting to hear from me when I am ready to talk.


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